Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Superman IV - The Quest for Peace

REALLY?!?!


This is quite the lemon, one that is widely recognized as the worst of the series. I was wondering if my own biases against Superman were going to come up watching this movie, but that was definitely not the case. It was both fun and painful to watch, Nuclear Man was maybe the worst villain in history. The whole story is set against a preachy nuclear disarmament backdrop. And then there is John Cryer.

The movie starts with Superman talking to a green glowing orb underground in a barn that identifies itself as his mother. His mother has one last gift, a shard that is some sort of powerful thing that once Superman takes will make his mother cease to exist. Apparently he just wanted her to shut up because he took the shard and then stuck it in the pocket of some overalls that were hanging up on the wall.


Flash over to Lex Luthor, (Gene Hackman) who is breaking rocks in prison. His nephew Lenny (Cryer) drives some cartoon looking car into the rock quarry and after dispensing with the two guards leaves with his uncle Lex. Lenny is given maybe 20 lines in the whole movie, most of which are barely audible or incoherent, and he seems to be some sort of inept new wave surfer. A pretty useless character that seems like he should have been the comic relief, but winds up not doing anything funny.

Superman is challenged by some 4th grader to do something about making the world a peaceful and nuclear free place. He finally declares (in a weird UN meeting) that he is going to rid the world of nuclear weapons. Then the world powers, on the honor system I guess, fire all their missiles into space where Superman catches them in a big net and then hurtles them into the sun. Unbeknownst to Superman, that evil Lex Luthor synthesized some Superman stuff from one of his hairs (that could hold a one ton weight but could be easily cut with wire cutters) and attached it to a missile. The combination of nuclear mass, Superman stuff in the sun was the perfect storm to create Nuclear Man.


The fights between Nuclear Man and Superman are the lamest, most unsuspenseful, ever committed to film.
Nuclear Man blows up a volcano in Italy, Superman plugs it with a mountain cap.
Nuclear Man freezes Superman in a block of ice, Superman waits a bit and breaks out.
Nuclear Man destroys some of the Great Wall of China, Superman repairs it with some new fangled optic-masonry power.
Nuclear Man picks up the Statue of Liberty and tries to drop it on some people, Superman stops it and puts it back.
Then...Nuclear Man scratches Superman with his radioactive fingernails, END OF FIGHT! Here it is in the original and uncut version. It's longer that the fight in "They Live."


Superman gets bummed, talks to Lois Lane and then uses the magical glowing mom shard to heal himself. Nuclear Man returns to demand a date with Murial Hemmingway which Superman refuses to facilitate. Another fight, this time on the moon, and finally the villain is defeated by being thrown into a nuclear reactor. Superman then gives Lenny to a Catholic School and returns Lex to prison.

I left out the Superman/Lois flying date and the ridiculous Daily Planet b-plot. Flat bottles of Coke are more engaging than this movie. Its 90 minutes felt like two and a half hours and 45 minutes were cut out. Not to be too down on this movie, it was fun to watch and offered plenty of laughs, but I do not think I'll return to this one anytime soon.

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