Future Gems!

So I went to check up on some of the movie night A-list directors, find out what they have in the pipeline. Good news!

Rob Cohen the auteur behind such hits as "The Skulls," "Dragonheart," and several episodes of 80's television favorite "Miami Vice" is returning to a series that has been quiet like a dormant volcano. Last we heard Xander Cage was killed in Borneo, or so the single line answer to the "where is Vin Diesel" question of "xXx: State of the Union" had us believe. Turns out Vin will be back for the third installation of the xXx franchise titled "xXx: The Return of Xander Cage."

He has copied career moves from all the great action stars. He is bald (Willis), it is hard to understand his speech (Stallone), sometimes tries to take serious roles to show off his range (most of 'em), and even tried his hand at kids movies (Arnold). But now he is back where he belongs, mindless plots that have been drawn out to the point of exhaustion (5 "Fast and Furious" movies...really?), some espionage elements that people really don't care a lot about, and explosions galore. Summer movie season won't come soon enough.

Absurdist Roland Emmerich has decided unfortunately to take a break from what he does best, which are modern (or ancient) disaster movies with little to no regard to the laws of science and nature, to make a political thriller. "Anonymous" will be about who actually wrote the plays of William Shakespeare. How is he going to bend this into an end of the world scenario? Where are the exaggerated natural global threats? Roland buddy, why didn't you just make your great post-apocalyptic sequel to 2012...oh wait, someone else already made "Waterworld." Maybe next time.

The Chase

Stockholm Syndrome has never been this much fun! Charlie Sheen and Kristy "the original Buffy the Vampire Slayer" Swanson star in this 1994 comedy. Meet Jackson Hammond a down on his luck, wrong-place-wrong-time type of guy who has been wrongly convicted of bank robbery. He accidentally kidnaps Natalie Voss, daughter of THE Dalton Voss (the Donald Trump of California) and is forced to flee from the cops.

Life Imitating Art?
This movie oddly mirrors the highway chase of OJ Simpson and the really eerie part is this movie predates the real life event. Well there are a couple of things that happens differently in the movie, mainly: cadavers falling out of a medical truck, members of the Red Hot Chili Peppers running amok, and the in-the-car-while-driving sex scene between Sheen and Swanson, but other than that the comparisons are pretty spot on.

Henry Rollins almost steals the show in the role of pursuing cop, or "standard issue street soldier" in his words. He and his partner are being filmed as subjects of a COPSesque television show. Rollins' mock enthusiasm as a police officer brings many a laugh.

The Chase never pretends to take itself seriously which is what makes it such a fun movie.

Troll 2

Recently we finally decided to watch the 1990 classic "Troll 2". A cult classic that was subject to the feature length 2009 documentary "Best Worst Movie." This was definitely the type of movie that you are looking for when you want to watch a highly entertainingly bad movie. But does it live up the the hype of best worst movie?

It is about a young boy who is grieving over the death of his recently departed grandfather, a plot point introduced at the beginning as his ghost of a grandfather is reading a gruesome story of trolls...goblins actually, there are no trolls anywhere in the movie (the movie gets points for being a sequel that doesn't even acknowledge the original in any way). Turns out that goblins are real as the boy finds out when he travels with his family to the town of Nilbog. His sister has a boyfriend who follows the family there with a couple of his friends in an RV which allows for some disposable supporting characters.

The residents of Nilbog turn out to be some sort of backwoods crazy vegetarians that are into spoiled milk. They end up turning one woman into easily goblin digestible mush and one unlucky dude into a living tree. There is a witch too, just for good measure. Said witch ends up seducing a teenage boy using an ear of corn (not as dirty as you may think, but just as disturbing). This is one of the more out there (and out of place) scenes in the movie and that is saying quite a bit. You know, as my lovely assistant Amelia pointed out, corn is highly symbolic in many pagan cultures. "It is a time of the sacrificial mating of Goddess and God, where the Corn King, given life by the Goddess and tasting of Her love is sacrificed and transformed into bread and ale which feeds us." Maybe the director is onto something...then again the movie features this scene.

Occasionally a bit too bizarre and disjointed, this movie is worth watching. It is a lot of fun, there are some cartoony gross out scenes and laughably bad dialogue. Best worst movie though? I am going to disagree there, it does not quite measure up the the gold standard in my book, "The Core." I feel the more money spent on the production of a movie and worse it is the bigger the failure. "Troll 2" wasn't aiming high enough. What do you think? Is there a ratio of cost+failure : higher enjoyment of watching said failure? Is this the best worst movie ever?